Occasionally, this seems to require clarification.
My facial expressions are not yours to control.
I was not put on this earth to look pleasant, inviting, pretty, or whatever else you think I should look like.
And, in general, if you want someone to smile…say or do something to make them smile. Demanding it typically doesn’t work.
Change something about myself or my habits to be more compatible with someone else.
Sorry you don’t like my signature, but that’s how I sign my name.
No, I’m not going to start watching the tv show you like, or read the books you like, nor do I care if you think I’m being snobby or judgmental for refusing.
No, I’m probably not ever going to stop being an assertive person at work. I will always step up when I need to, and I will always voice my opinions. I’m not the type to just placidly agree with whatever someone else says and always follow the crowd.
Talk about something I don’t want to talk about because someone else wants me to.
I don’t do sexy chat, I don’t sext, I don’t send nude pics, and I don’t need you to send me nude pics. I’ll talk about sex the same way I talk about books or music – what I like, and why I like it. I’m happy to talk to you about what you like and why, as long as you don’t try to turn it into some sort of steamy erotic sex chat.
No, I don’t want to talk to you about how Jesus has empowered you as a feminist. I’m glad you feel that religion has had a positive impact on you, but nothing you say is going to change the fact that I don’t believe in god.
And no, I’m not going to rationalize or defend my beliefs about or my positions on…well, anything. Explain, yes. Rationalize and defend, no. If you try to lecture me or pick a fight, I will walk away.
Change my appearance because someone else thinks I should.
I don’t care if you think my posture makes me look less attractive. You don’t live in my body, and I don’t particularly care to hear your opinions about how it looks.
Tell me I’d look younger/less tired if I wore make up. I have no problem not looking like a teenager, nor do I feel ashamed about looking tired. Especially if I am tired.
Oh, you don’t approve of tattoos? You can fuck right the hell off, because I don’t care. They’re for me, not for you.
No, I’m no longer willing to removing my nose ring. If you think I’m going to offend customers, then don’t hire me.
And yes, I know I have a rather serious looking resting face. It doesn’t bother me, and I’m not inclined to change it.
Negotiate after I’ve said no.
When I say no, that means no. It doesn’t mean bargain with me. It doesn’t mean try to persuade me. It doesn’t mean tell me why I’m wrong. It means no.
Be a pushover.
My preference for positivity and politeness doesn’t mean I’m afraid of being negative or impolite. It just means I will attempt the former before resorting to the latter.
Me being nice to you doesn’t mean that I’m going to do whatever you want.
Me liking you doesn’t mean that I’m going to do whatever you want.
Me loving you doesn’t mean that I’m going to do whatever you want.
I will not back down if I feel very strongly that I shouldn’t.
I’m not easily persuaded if I think I’m right, or if something feels wrong. I’d rather risk offending you than do something that feels wrong.
I’m also not required to compromise with you. Compromise is an option, not a requirement.
Get involved with anyone who has problems with women.
If you have problems with an entire group of people based on stereotypes, and/or very conservative/religious world views on proper gender roles, we’re not going to get along.
If you have had a few bad relationships and have decided that women are horrible creatures, I don’t want to be your savior.
Get involved with anyone who has problems with fat people, non-Caucasian people, gay people, queer people, trans people, old people…you get the point.
This should be self-explanatory. I’m just not into hatred and intolerance.
So no, I don’t want to talk about why you don’t trust family-owned Mexican restaurants because “those people” don’t have high standards of hygiene. That’s ridiculous and offensive and disgusting, and I have no problem informing you of that fact.